Rants

Parasites

Here's an interesting response to yesterday's post:

Am I wrong in calling some of these hints “parasites”? I kind of resent the pieces that couldn’t exist without someone else’s work. Without the Gorgon myth, “Before Perseus” is meaningless, but okay, a myth has no author. The worst is the Mamatas piece which creates nothing on its own, but trades entirely on Beckett’s play. He’s got no story of his own, just Beckett’s, which he trivializes.

I never heard of the term "parasites" before but I guess it makes sense, in a way. Not that I agree that the stories in the collection are in fact parasites. They, like all good literary re-imaginings, bring something new and unique to the table. Yes, Nick Mamatas's piece relies solely on Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot, but so what? Yes, some fun is had in the piece at Beckett's expense, but I don't think it trivializes the play. If anything, I think Beckett would have gotten a good chuckle out of the story if he were alive today and read it. Either that or become insanely angry and order a fatwa on the author's head.

Still, the term "parasites" got me thinking about other books that rely on famous literary classics. Like Grendal by John Gardner, or March by Geraldine Brooks, or Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier, or, most recently, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski. The list goes on and on. Are they, to an extent, being parasitic? Each, I believe, brings something new and unique to the table. Each uses a famous literary work as a starting off point and builds from there.

But what about other books that exist merely to capitalize on literary classics?

The most recent is the unauthorized Catcher in the Rye sequel which has once again found its way back into the spotlight. The author's intent, in my opinion at least, was to simply make some money off an already famous classic (though, let's be honest here, fewer and fewer people are reading Catcher in the Rye anymore). It's like someone writing a sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird, telling the story of Scout forty years later, where she, no doubt, lives in an top-floor apartment in a big city with two dozen cats and shoots at mockingbirds with a BB gun for sport.

Of course, the most parasitic trend going on right now are the zombie mashups. Look, while I have no desire to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I have to hand it to Seth Grahame-Smith and the people at Quirk Books for coming up with a brillant concept. But it should have just been left at that. Except no, we have to beat a dead horse (or zombie horse) because why the hell not? That's why now it seems nearly every public domain novel is fodder for a zombie retelling. The worst of the bunch are those that don't even understand the concept of a mashup. The idea here is to take two completely different genres and put them together, but now you have books in the same genre mashed up (one in particular was released in bookstores not so long ago). It's like the author thought, Hmm, this is already a horror story, but maybe if I added zombies, it would make it even more horrorer (sic).

No, numbskull, it makes it boring and unoriginal and makes you nothing more than a hack.

P.S. With all this hoopla over the "cleansed" version of Huckleberry Finn, someone should write a novel from Jim's point of view, maybe his life years later, and call it N-word Jim ... but, you know, actually use the real word. Now that title there, that will sell books. Anybody want to take the ball and run with it, go right ahead. Just make sure you mention me in the acknowledgements.

Narrative Magazine Needs YOUR Help

Clueless

I just got a friend request on Facebook with this message (the XXX's are to help protect the guilty):

We have a lot of friends and interests in common, so I thought I'd shoot you an add. I'm a writer and art director in XXX. Hope all is well. Peace, XXX.

Nice, no? Thing is, I was already friends with this person but unfriended them after continuously ignoring the invites to join this particular writer's self-made fan page (invite me once or twice, fine, but more than a half dozen and it gets ridiculous). Now this person wants to be my friend again, wants to "connect," but doesn't seem to remember the simple fact that we had already been "friends." Hmm, how can that be? Oh yes, maybe because this particular person currently has 4,380 "friends." Well, I personally think that's more than enough for right now, thanks.

Ignorant People

Yesterday another YouTube video became sort of viral in publishing circles and I'm sure you've probably already seen it but I present it here just in case:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv4Hpz-GI3g

I even posted it on Facebook with the caption "Spoiled Brat!" I was (in case it wasn't obvious) being facetious. After all, the kid is just a kid, not even five years old, and on Christmas morning, what kind of presents does a kid that age want to open? Toys, of course!

It would be different if the kid were, say, ten years old and flipping out that he got a book instead of a toy. But no, this particular child is three, so it's expected, right?

Of course, the kinds of people who regularly comment at YouTube apparently didn't understand this little fact, based on this note by one of the kid's parents regarding the video:

I have deleted a lot of very undeserved negative comments that have been posted....I understand now that without a good understanding of the back history one could make a poor assumption of him....but now i hope you know that he was ONLY THREE YEARS OLD PEOPLE and that he only thought your supposed to get toys for christmas....partly because of how commercialized this holiday has become.....we have since taught him differently..............but just for kicks were gonna wrap books again for him and see what happens....

Personally, if I were a parent I don't think I'd post a video of my child on YouTube in the first place, but this was the choice these parents made. And sure, in some ways, the video's cute, but is it deserving of such snarkiness from those degenerates trolling YouTube? No, of course not. And this is yet another reason why I hate ignorant people.

Beginning Of The End

I wasn't going to throw in my two cents about this whole Flatmancrooked submission debacle since it's already been done here and here, but I figure I haven't done a good rant in awhile, so here goes. I believe this was a long time coming and isn't surprising at all. After all, Narrative opened the door with their outrageous $20 reading fees. I mean, seriously, $20 for a regular submission? Most contest entry fees aren't even that much. People complain about Narrative but Narrative gets away with it, year after year, and why? Because writers are stupid enough to pay. They believe in their hearts and minds and souls and whatever else body part that their stories are great enough to be published in those hallowed webpages and so they fork over $20 and wait half a year for a form rejection. And their $20? That goes to help pay the professional writers who are solicited by Narrative and who aren't required to pay any reading fee. See what they do there? The magazine takes the money from writers who will never have a shot to be published there and uses it to pay the writers with name recognition; the writers with name recognition being published in the magazine gives the magazine enough esteem that novice writers think they can get published there too, and so they submit their stories along with their $20 reading fees ...

Yes, that's right, it's a literary journal circle jerk, except the only ones getting screwed are the writers who don't know better.

And now here you have Flatmancrooked who will read your stories and get back to you in, oh, maybe a year. Or you can do this option:

Flatmancrooked offers !EXPEDITED! submissions and charges a $5.00 read, review and handling fee. These fees help cover infrastructure and printing costs for the website and journal. The current response time for !EXPEDITED! submissions is 14 working days.

Notice the "current response time" is 14 working days. This is, of course, subject to change. It could become less. It could become a whole lot more. And a response is a response; it doesn't necessarily mean your story will be considered any seriously as those stories wasting away in the regular submission slush pile. Most editors read the first page or two of stories and that's it, so, in theory, all your $5 is getting you is a quicker rejection.

Honestly, I don't really know much about Flatmancrooked. Their name is familiar but I've never read anything they've done or even submitted. And now with this new scheme they have going, I'll definitely never submit.

But they, I believe, are only the first. Soon more will follow. After all, it costs time and money to run a literary journal, even if it is online, and if you're receiving hundreds of submissions a month, then why not charge a few bucks per submission? In fact, based on John Minichillo's comment at HTMLGIANT, it seems Submishmash is encouraging such practices:

I think the bigger question is that Submishmash, which very quickly became the standard for submissions, has openly supported this kind of thing. They have a vested interest in charging for submissions and if it comes down to Submishmash going away or magazines charging a nominal fee, more easily justified because some of the places people respect and covet already do it...

You see, Submishmash offers their services to journals and writers for free. Hell, I have an account with them. They do nice work. But they're also a business, and ultimately they want to make money, which shouldn't be surprising at all.

It seems, once again, that in the literary world, the only ones not making money are writers. Right or wrong, this is where we now find ourselves, and it's only going to get worse.