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The Friday Five

It's late and I'm tired but I wanted to update you quick on a few things so I'm going to do it Sean Lovelace style:

  1. Tonight I will be in Philadelphia at the Big Blue Marble Bookstore along with Randall Brown, Frank Byrns, John Cashman, Bruce Harris, Minter Krotzer and Don Lee to read and discuss Hint Fiction. It starts at 7 pm. I'm told there will be wine and cheese.
  2. Tobias Carroll reviewed the Hint Fiction anthology at Vol. 1 Brooklyn.
  3. Monday I'm being interviewed by Sean Moncrieff of Newstalk, Ireland's independent talk radio station. It's a live interview so I'm sure I'll mess something up. Starts at 3:30 pm there, 10:30 am here.
  4. Anyone else getting sick of me talking about Hint Fiction? Next week I hope to do a total non Hint Fiction post.
  5. I haven't done a Freaky Friday Fun video in awhile, so I thought I would leave you with this amusing dashboard cam DUI faux pas (my favorite part is the cop just standing idly by, not concerned at all).

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJZnzm1lFlY

I Heart NPR

They say all publicity is good publicity, but when it comes from Scott Simon and the kind folks at NPR, it's extraordinary publicity. Take for instance that, from what I can tell, the Weekend Edition Saturday article has been shared by over 1,800 people on Facebook (and that number keeps going up every day). So NPR has definitely helped spread the word about the concept of Hint Fiction and the anthology itself. But that's not all. Just this week they included the anthology in their special series "New In Paperback: The Week's Outstanding Softcover Releases."

What's more, I learned today from my editor that Norton is already doing a second printing. So for those of you who like to collect first editions, you better hurry. In fact, Amazon has lowered the price for both the paperback and the Kindle editions (currently $8.54 each), but I urge you to also consider purchasing a copy from your local independent bookstore. If you do, I'll send you a copy of Eight Hints as thanks. Of course, no matter where you purchase the book, if you've read it and enjoyed it please consider posting a review at Amazon. It'll make my publicist happy.

More Spamming Of The Day

Just got back from New York City (will post more about that Monday), but I wanted to share this little ditty found in my spam catcher. Usually the spam this blog receives is pretty basic stuff, like "I just signed up to your blogs rss feed. Will you post more on this subject?" and other nonsense. But then I get home tonight and look at what all spam is there and see this marvel of autobot technology that is just too good to pass up. Enjoy.

I’ve in any case reasoning it would be best to have those not ring true sport shoes in the service of when I do outdoor sports such as canoeing and dragon boating. These certain sports shoes pander to to deuterium oxide outdoor sports in fussy because of the facetious adam’s ale convivial mundane it is made of. When I match canoeing, I in use accustomed to to either go with my overt feet or slippers, but was forever having problems with both. Being unclad footed meant that I influence grab mar close any debris that may summarize when I prance on the sand or in the unsound while getting in or escape of my canoe. When I damage slippers, sometimes it indeed gets in the technique when my feet sink in the slime during low tide. It was when my slipper got stuck when I knew I had to go off an open-air sports sport shoes. I unmistakable to about of it as a cyclopean investment as it would ways better and cleaner feet. I don’t recollect why I didn’t think of getting such show off shoes in the senior place. I conjecture it was because my teachings of divertissement shoes was often in compensation meet, and not payment other outside sports.

So when I maxim the FiveFingers Out of doors Lark Shoes – Sombre (Proportions 42) on DealtoWorld.com, I was truly steadfast I wanted it. Not merely can I wheedle a immense doublet of out of doors shoes in the service of my water sports, I can beget a fivefingers a specific! Not unswerving why they ring up it fivefingers in spite of, since in point of fact the distraction shoes is in the formulate of your five toes. This enables a happier dominion on where you hike, which is firstly great pro walking on the lido and shallow waters. I’ve again been a adherent of “fivefingers” or toe socks, so this trendy outdoor shoes of mine is making me more fervent with my weekend out of doors sports endeavor.

DealtoWorld.com sure made me a happy camper this convenience life, letting me own this great match up of romp shoes well-founded when I needed it. I’ve bought other lifestyle gadgets from DealtoWorld.com but this is the oldest once upon a time I bought jest shoes from any online shopping site. I till the end of time thought it overpower to have a stab on any shoes, be it pleasure shoes, leather shoes, slippers, etc. or else you won’t recognize whether it’s a colossal fit. Setting aside how, I couldn’t at the end of the day arouse admissible water out of doors sports relaxation shoes, so this find has definitely enhanced my DealtoWorld.com shopping happening, or my online shopping as a whole.

With it when I go to go to my weekly canoeing or dragon boating, my teammates are all good-looking amused before my fivefingers humour shoes, and gawp at them on some time. I divine the toe-shaped sport shoes makes it look like a cobweb of some sort, but it’s not like I can swim in these fivefingers shoes. I’m conclusion the outdoor sports shoes extraordinarily smug, and although I cannot beat a hasty retreat with it as I would with predictable running wear shoes, at least I can stride along the pontoon or run aground arena in plenty, incompatible with when I occupied to shuffle barefooted. My feet tempered to to hurt or communicate with scorched from the fervid territory, but not with these fivefingers fun shoes I don’t. Take a look at the pictures to undertake how the fivefingers alfresco sports sport shoes look like from the top and bottom.

The Perpetual Night

Below is an excerpt from my new e-book In Solemn Shades of Endless Night, now available at Amazon and Smashwords. Enjoy, and have a great weekend.

Somebody had nailed a kitten to the sign on the side of the road. WELCOME TO OLD GAP, the sign said in large engraved letters, and below it: ESTABLISHED 1917. The kitten hung suspended between the D of OLD and the G of GAP.

The kitten, Raleigh quickly realized, was still alive.

“Jesus Christ,” William said and hurried toward the sign, the sheathed sword at his side bouncing back and forth with each step.

Raleigh didn’t bother trying to save the cat. He knew it was useless. William knew it was useless too—or at least he should know—but still the man ran to the sign and tried to grab the kitten. His hands passed through the kitten and sign as if they were not really there.

Headlights appeared down the road.

Raleigh barely noticed. He stood on the white center line, watching William and his fruitless attempt to save the kitten. It was a sad sight—both William and the kitten—and Raleigh sighed.

“Stop it,” he said.

William kept grabbing for the kitten; his hands kept passing through it.

The headlights were closer now, the tractor-trailer behind those headlights speeding at an easy fifty miles per hour.

Raleigh said, “Would you stop it?”

William stopped, stood there a moment, and then slowly turned. His shoulders fell. “It’s just not right.”

The headlights were right behind Raleigh now, the tractor-trailer’s engine roaring, but Raleigh didn’t move.

“I know,” he said, not even flinching as the tractor-trailer drove through him, and even before the truck had passed through him completely he started walking forward. “But there’s nothing either of us can do about it. You know that.”

William looked down at the ground, took a breath, the sort of thing a child would do, William a few years older than Raleigh, though where they were age and time no longer mattered.

Raleigh placed a hand on William’s arm—there was substance there at least, both of them being on the same plane of existence—and then the older man looked up and nodded and together they turned and entered the town of Old Gap.

*  *  *

They found the first pumpkin less than five minutes later.

Houses had already appeared along the road, two-story houses on each side facing each other, and a sidewalk had materialized. Most of the houses were already decorated, their porches alit with jack-o’-lanterns and overlarge bats dangling from trees and skulls propped up on porch railings.

The pumpkin was on the porch steps of a house with an elderly woman sitting in a rocking chair. She wasn’t dressed up except for an oversized witch’s hat, and every time children approached, dressed as angels and devils and monsters and superheroes, she tried to make her voice sound like the Wicked Witch of the West. But none of the children were convinced, and after she would compliment them on their costumes, the children would say thank you and hold out their buckets or bags, waiting to be given what was due.

The pumpkin on the woman’s porch steps was glowing green. The old woman—her name was Doris; Raleigh knew this the same way he knew the names of all the people in all the houses they came to save—didn’t notice the glowing pumpkin. The children didn’t notice the glowing pumpkin either. Only Raleigh and William noticed this pumpkin and all the pumpkins in all the towns they’d passed through. The green glow meant this house was marked, and if Raleigh and William did not destroy the pumpkin, when midnight came the people inside this house would die.

“Look at you!” Doris exclaimed to a child dressed as an insect. “Aren’t you just the most precious thing in the world?”

William unsheathed his sword.

Raleigh said, “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“But you did it last time.”

“I did?”

“So what are you, dear?” Doris asked. “Don’t make an old lady guess.”

“A caterpillar!” the little girl shouted happily.

Raleigh said, “You really don’t remember going last time?”

“No, I really don’t.”

“You’re lying.”

William smiled. “Maybe, maybe not.”

“Well you’re an awfully cute caterpillar,” Doris said, dropping a Bite Size Snickers bar into the girl’s bucket. “Make sure you brush your teeth after eating that, okay?”

“Thank you!” the girl said, and then she and her mother turned and headed down the steps, the mother passing straight through William who was now grinning.

“Fine,” he said. “Let’s play for it.”

“You always want to play for it.”

“Because luck is always on my side.”

“Whatever.” Raleigh held out a fist. “We go on three. One, two, three.”

They each bounced their fist three times and then opened them, William with scissors, Raleigh with rock.

“You cheated!” William said, but he was smiling.

Raleigh unsheathed his sword and approached the pumpkin. The green glow inside flickered like a candle. Raleigh held the sword up over his head and quickly brought it down, severing the pumpkin in two. The green flame dissipated, fading up the porch steps and into Doris.

“What in the world?” Doris murmured, leaning forward in her rocking chair. As far as she knew she was the only one anywhere near her porch, and here one of her pumpkins had just split apart. She adjusted her bifocals, squinting, and then leaned back in her chair shaking her head. “Strangest darned thing I’ve seen tonight.”

“You’re welcome,” William said loudly, nearly shouting at the woman less than ten feet away, but she didn’t notice. He turned to Raleigh, who was sliding the sword back into its sheath. “Don’t you sometimes feel unappreciated?”

“All the time. Come on, let’s go.”

They headed back down the walkway toward the street. A town this size, there were usually at least three more pumpkins to find before midnight. They weren’t worried though. They always found the pumpkins, destroyed them, and passed on to the next town.

A few cars drove up and down the street. Raleigh and William watched them for a moment, started to move toward the center of town, but stopped.

“Do you feel that?” Raleigh asked.

William nodded.

They turned around. Coming up the street was a simple black limousine. Not the most uncommon thing in the world, but certainly not common in a town like Old Gap. And certainly not common anywhere else, as this particular limo was being driven by a daemon.

Both men touched the hilts of their swords as the limousine slowed and came to a stop beside them. The rear window lowered soundlessly. A figure sat inside.

“Raleigh,” the figure said, “a word?”

Raleigh glanced at William. William gave a quick shake of his head. Raleigh turned back to the limo and said, “Sorry, but I was raised not to accept rides from strangers.”

The figure did not move for the longest time. Finally it said, “Are you interested in ever seeing daylight again?”

Raleigh glanced once more at William. This time William just stared back at him.

“What are you offering?” Raleigh asked.

The door opened and the figure said, “Step inside and find out.”

Disturbing Google Search Of The Day

I always get a kick out of the search engine terms people use to stumble onto my blog. Mostly it's either my name (or my evil twin brother Robert Smartwood) and hint fiction, but sometimes a few oddball ones slip through. Like currently I'm getting a lot of hits from people searching "webbed feet" and "ashton kutcher webbed feet" because of this blog post concerning my story "Excerpts From The Journal Of A Boy With Webbed Feet." Not too long ago someone searched "the silver ring by robert swartwood how many pages" which is interesting considering The Silver Ring is an e-book and doesn't actually have pages in the literal sense. But today I got a real doozy worth sharing. Are you ready for it? "wach my wife strip inpublic"

Yes, you read that right. Not only can't the poor pervert spell watch, he (she?) thinks in public is one word. And if that wasn't disturbing enough, this whack-job was sent to my website!

As it turns out, if you Google that phrase, this blog post comes up about my vacation in Vegas, where I talk about the "strip" and how cool it would be to "watch" the lights approaching at night when landing and how "my wife" and I had breakfast at Denny's and how that Hangover T-shirt is something you would never really wear "in public." So yeah, a bit disturbing, but what can you do?

Make sure to tune in tomorrow at noon(ish) here on the East Coast for a very exciting and cool announcement concerning a new giveaway contest. Here are two keywords to give you a hint: "ultimate" and "flash fiction."